Monday, October 15, 2012

Moses Botkin Challenge / October



















"Adolescence" 8x6" oil on canvas

   

I've developed the rather immature habit of guessing the date lately. I was sure it was the 10th and I had a few days to finish the painting on the easel and get my challenge painting done. Checking the recorded programs on the DVR last night, I was stunned to see it was the 14th! Woops!

I couldn't blow it off, it's my first challenge painting since Tim left in February, plus the subject matter was my choice this month. The choice of what to paint is yet another part of my work that Tim helped me with.  Still reaching for the phone to ask his advice or mentally cataloging the questions I want to ask or the latest joke I want to share when he arrives home from work, but that's normal I guess. Anyway, I chose "Adolescence" but only because the previous theme had been "Childhood." Seemed a natural progression.

I had some lofty ideas. Wild but studied brush strokes evoking the perpetual angst of the young. Clearly that didn't happen. I gotta get out more and find some live models. Maybe even knock on my neighbor's doors. But, instead, rushed and not having a clue what to do I logged onto a stock photo site, typed in angst and purchased a photo that I thought might work. So what you see above is my interpretation of the photo I chose. Not what I had in mind, but at least it's done and I needed to know I could still paint quickly if needed. So, another milestone, I'm back in the challenge group. I think.

I fear I've pushed the limits of your patience with my many accounts of how cool Tim was/is or how deeply in love we were/are, so I'll just say that I'm feeling better. Days go by without a tear being shed which in turn creates guilt. The huge hole in my heart has at last produced what feels like a scab. Very frail though. A slight scratch, the tiniest tender touch and I fear I would hear it fall noisily to the ground and the tears and pain would again begin spewing out. But, it's a start. I'm smiling more and talking to him without that accusing tone in my voice. The "what-ifs" and "if-onlys" continue unabated, but I think at last that I'm beginning to accept, really accept, what is.

Thank you again for your caring thoughts and support.

And now, please enjoy the other members interpretations of "Adolescence."

















"Tyler the Teenager"
14x18" Pastel
© V.N.Ross
 
Self Portrait 1968
18x27" oil on canvas



 "Soothing Break"
oil on hardboard 6x9"

36 comments:

  1. Amazing paintings Suzanne, glad you're making your way...baby steps.

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  2. Hi Gunkie. Having spent yesterday afternoon "counseling" my angst and anxiety-laden teenage niece, I think I can honestly say you have captured that adolescent aura extremely well.
    I am very, very happy to hear you are slowly healing. I never tire of hearing about Tim. :)
    Sending a humongous HUG!!!

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  3. So glad you are taking back your life and your love of painting! You are strong and will continue to heal and be doing amazing work. We are NOT tired of hearing about Tim, believe me! He sounds incredibly special and all the accolades you can give him are part of your ongoing love...that does not need to ever stop.

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  4. All of them are so nice! You are so talented. Just wonderful!

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  5. Love your painting ... yes, you did a great job in capturing the angst in a teenager's world.

    Please continue sharing your sweet memories of Tim. It's a win-win situation ... you get to remember Tim, continue with your healing, and we get to know him through you. It's a long process and so happy to hear that healing is continuing.

    hugs ....

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  6. Sweet Suz-
    We cannot believe that you painted this masterpiece! It is beyond feeling and emotion! You are magic.
    We loved the other painting as well- so fun to look at the selection of all those who captured the moment.

    You know Suz- what you and Tim had was unique and beautiful- and we never get tired of hearing your words. We love that you share the beauty with us- that you trust us.
    It is refreshing to read what you say- because as the others said- we get to know Tim a little more. We never will get tired of something so beautiful. It is what others search for- and long for.
    We know you are healing bit by bit- and it comforts us also to know that. The wound is fragile- but it is healing.
    We love you
    love
    tweedles

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  7. This painting is amazing! You have most deftly captured the "perpetual angst" of the young in this beautiful portrait. I also love the self portrait of Mark Adams. And its not the least tiring to listen to your accounts of Tim. He sure was a great person and its only heartening to know that he is always with you and in you.
    Best wishes,

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  8. What a fabulous challenge and what a fabulous post. I loved reading about your wild ways and your healing ways. the challenge members all did a great job. Beautiful work all around. I am always so happy to see a new painting of yours appear on my blog link list. I also send a cheer your way with each new work. Good job!

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  9. Ah Suz...please do not fear talking about your Tim. I will always listen. This Adolescence piece is truly stunning. This young girl is truly gorgeous and I find myself hoping that her angst has long dissipated.

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  10. Your portrait of the young girl is breathtaking! It's one of those pieces that makes me think, wow, I wish I had painted that...

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  11. Hi Suz,

    You certainly have captured adolescence, this painting is amazing. You have been blessed with a great love and a great talent. I am happy you are painting and sharing your courage with words and deeds. All the best to you,
    Joan

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  12. Hi Suz, Such an emotional painting. I love it! So happy to hear you're planning on painting regularly. Talent like this should not be left idle.

    If Tim is what still pours out of you, it's ok...

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  13. Ahhh yes, the angst of the young. Drama that continues for days, the sullen looks, the silence...can you tell I've lived through two teenage girls?? That's why I have all this grey hair :) You've captured it well Suz. What a great idea for a challenge - and challenging too to get that perfect expression just right.

    Tim's not going anywhere anytime soon. Let him speak when he wants, let yourself feel what needs to be felt and talk about him whenever you want. I always read and am amazed and to be honest, am a little envious of what you and Tim have. Speak, let the world know that love still exists.

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  14. It's SO good to have you back in the Challenge, Suzanne. You've been missed. And of course we all understand that you needed the unpressured time without deadlines.

    You pulled this one off splendidly, dear Lady. And you obviously haven't lost any painting skills by taking a break. Kudos!

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  15. It always amazes me that you are so casual about your paintings. This is BRIMMING with emotion! And it does have some angst, but not the melodramatic variety that so many teenagers suffer from. . . not that I'd know about that or anything. ;)

    And dear friend I never tire of hearing about your healing process and your memories of Tim. I imagine it's very therapeutic to write it all out so keep doing what you need, you aren't pushing any of us away. *hugs*

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  16. Love your painting of adolescence, she looks so introspective what could she be thinking or feeling, beautifully captured as always.
    So glad you are doing well and lovely to see your paintings.

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  17. You did a beautiful job on your painting Suzanne. Still have you in my thoughts and i wonder how it is going. Glad to read there are smiles.

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  18. Suz... I've been out of the loop for a while and have a lot of catching up to do. I'm so glad to see you back 'out and about' in our artistic etherworld. Please keep sharing your continued love and feelings for Tim. I consider it an honor to follow along. As for Adolescence, you captured that angst beautifully. Keep up the wonderful work!

    -Don

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  19. Well it's a long journey you are on and I am just relieved you have reached the point where it is more bearable - but that is nothing to feel guilty about. The last thing Tim would want is for you to feel any kind of guilt. He would, I am sure, want you to be laughing again as you would him if it were the other way around. You will never forget him and will always love him from the bottom of your heart and that won't change, however much smiling or laughing you do. Okay - now the painting! I am so pleased you have got back to the challenges! That really is a turning point! And what an amazing painting it is. You have captured her expression so beautifully and I just adore the way that you paint so expressively. I am really looking forward to the next challenge :0)

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  20. Suzanne, your teenager is exuding angst! Maybe you can't see it but trust me, it's there. It sounds like you've fallen into a bit of survivor's guilt and coupled with the sting of your loss it's throwing you off kilter at the moment. Be patient with yourself...please. A talent such as your's must not be lost. Never having known your husband, I can still surmise he would not want you to give up. What a shame that would be and what a huge loss to the world.

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  21. This is a fabulous painting Suzanne especially given that you rushed it out so quickly. Glad to see you putting one foot in front of the other and moving forwards. ;)

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  22. She is gorgeous, Suzanne! A beautiful painting and handled perfectly.!! Please know, I never get tired of hearing about Tim...I believe one heals faster by talking!! I've said it before, but at least you never have to live with "what ifs..and I should have" ...he always knew how you felt about him!! Now, lets paint!

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  23. Perfectly executed, Suzanne.I have a 16 year old niece who talks to me a lot...teens are really trying times and this painting portrays that so well.
    I can only marvel at your ability to love so much!Makes me think how special your relationship must have been.But its good to see that you are trying to move on with your life, I am sure Tim would also want that.Love,
    Arti

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  24. I loved your challenge entry...just terrific and so was the creative choice for subject. I really like all the violets in this newest, right along with the harmony in skin tones. Congrats on your continuing with such powerful work and blog entries.

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  25. The angst is there and your teenager is beautifully unhappy. I'm so glad you're back to the challenges.

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  26. Your artwork is amazing. What a gift you have for capturing emotion! So glad I found you.

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  27. oh suzanne I've been reading the last few posts and your heart wrenching story, what a beautiful relationship the two of you had in this world. Many many people never experience that sort of love in their lifetime and thank you for sharing such personal emotions - I hope it helps in some small way to share your grief and to know that there are so many who care about you and what you are going through - it is so good to see that you are continuing with your art, art is such a great therapy and I hope it helps. Take care, you are in my prayers

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  28. Hi Suzanne,

    Somehow I missed this post! So glad I came by to have a look... this painting is thoughtful and takes me back to those teen years when emotions ran a little high! And, quite frankly, the middle-age years can be a bit like that too!

    Glad to hear you've had a handful of days that have almost been bearable. You are never very far from my thoughts.

    Nicki

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  29. Suzanne, your image really brings home the idea of adolescence and angst. I'm so glad you are doing well. Hope your boys are doing well too:) And I don't think we could ever tire of hearing about you and Tim and your incredible story. I think everyone dreams of that kind of relationship. I think of you often and send happy healing vibes to you.
    Carrie Waller

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  30. Oh Suzanne, Your words and your paintings still touch my heart. It is way beautiful. Oh course we never tire of hearing about Tim. Just think of us as friends who are helping you to heal....

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  31. Suzanne, I'm so happy to hear you say that things are looking up. I'm sure there are ups and downs all the time, I just hope the downs happen less and less. I envy the fact that you and Tim shared such a special trusting relationship. You are in my thoughts and prayers...

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  32. Amazing and emotional,painting,and so glad you post again, youbare so brave!

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  33. Suzanne, the painting is beautiful, the blog post is so rich and warm and well-written... All those who read and write you notes share in your little joys and triumphs on these difficult days. You have SO MANY gifts-- your writing, as usual, is as beautiful as your paintings.... No wonder you had such a great relationship with Tim ! I'm so glad to think that things are getting a bit easier for you. Your 'blog' family sure loves what you do !

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  34. Je suis très heureuse de vous retrouver et que vous, vous vous retrouviez aussi ! La vie nous fait parfois de très mauvaises farces...
    J'avais de vos nouvelles par Susan... Mais aujourd'hui c'est avec un immense plaisir que j'admire à nouveau votre travail.
    Il y a beaucoup d'émotion dans cette dernière peinture. je pense que beaucoup d'entre nous s'y retrouve dans cette période de l'adolescence...

    Gros bisous à vous

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  35. What an emotional portrait beautifully painted in such a small format! So good to see you at the easel again! Thanks to your sharing we know and love Tim and never tire of your speaking of him. Mega hugs...

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  36. Sweet Suz
    All moms could say was WOW WOW WOW! They could not believe this gorgeous painting.
    I have come back several times to read and re- read your words. Oh how we wish we could just come over to your house right now,, and we could all have some nice hot chocolate. (except me- no chocolate).
    But Suz,,, you are precious- and what a gift you have given us- by sharing so deeply your soul.
    You know we think of you all the time right? All the time!
    love
    tweedles

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Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!