Monday, September 30, 2013

IN CELEBRATION OF YOU...
























"Tim"
24x24" oil on Fine Belgian Linen
NFS

His actual birthday is October 1st, but I'm posting today. I've been wanting to paint his portrait again and I felt the time was right so I decided to do one for his birthday. We weren't fond of having our photos taken so there is, unfortunately, a limited supply of snaps to choose from, however I did find one that hit the sweet spot. The reference shot for this portrait was taken very soon after we found each other, he's wearing that striped shirt that I loved so much.

His second birthday after leaving his earth suit behind finds us doing fairly well. As I've said in previous posts, I've decided to fully embrace his presence and chat with him constantly, even as I watch TV shows, movies and documentaries I know we'd enjoy together. I would give anything to hear him talk over the dialog the way he used to. We were forever rewinding.

Again, hopefully, I haven't overstayed my welcome with my endless anecdotes and stories about how incredible he was. To this day, he is without doubt, the nicest human being I've ever met. Of course, he got angry, like the rest of us, but it was always a controlled, low key kind of anger. I remember once at work, something happened and he looked at me and said, very calmly..."I'm seething right now." Oh, really, I quipped...how can you tell? As one would expect with Tim, he was amused.

I miss his physical presence in a way that defies explanation but his spirit is ever present. I carry a printout of the session I had with the famous medium George Anderson in my journal and read it when I feel the need to. It's the most amazing document. Even now, it's difficult to wrap my mind around it. Basically, it is that "one more phone call" or that "one last visit" we beg the Universe for when a loved one passes away. It's a gift I know he found a way to give me so I would understand that he's perfectly fine and know he is always near.

I'd like to share this one section George related that day that really touched my heart if you don't mind:

"....he's still very positive, good with people. Just meeting him this way, you can feel he's very likeable, very tranquil over there, very peaceful. I'd have to say that if someone on this side didn't like him for some reason...I'd have to say that it's their problem because he's just such a wonderful spirit!"

That was only one of many indicators that Tim did indeed join us in the room that day. The whole thing still freaks me out a bit, still gives me the chills, every time I read it. And I don't read it as often as one would imagine, it's a lot to take in.

I've included another scale shot as the canvas is rather large at 24x24 inches. I can't say enough about Masterpiece Fine Belgian Linen. It's the first time I've painted on the portrait smooth version and it's like butta! What a wonderful experience. I would highly recommend it if you haven't tried it yet. Also my Catalyst brushes are really doing well. Maybe the one that's frayed already was having a bad hair day. But that said, I think I'm home in terms of process, supplies and environment. Or maybe it was just spending this entire last week with himself.

Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support, caring and wonderful comments, about my work and about Tim. They are appreciated and treasured more than you can know.

I have the distinct feeling that my posts will be much brighter from here on in...mostly!

40 comments:

  1. I'm speechless. Not really...because I have to tell you that this portrait is jaw-droppingly, spellbindingly, outrageously perfection. Holy Cow. The painting alone makes me want to cry--(in a good way)...and your accompanying words are just as beautiful as the painting.
    Through your talent (and his) you drive home the point that none of the people we love really 'leave'...! This message is possibly the most heartening thing I've ever witnessed in the blogosphere...and I've seen a lot. Hugs to you for Tim's birthday. He smiles upon you ....and even all of us....who never had the pleasure to actually meet him until you introduced us. :)
    I run out of superlatives every time I visit your blog. There aren't adequate words for how exquisitely perfect this is. :)

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  2. The painting is wonderful, with a soft silky feel yet still masculine. Tim sounds like a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing him with us. He was a very lucky man to have you in his life.

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  3. OMGoodness, Suzanne!!!! This is OUTSTANDING!! I'm left speechless with this one!
    I'm so glad you found the perfect reference picture. Congratulations on an amazing portrait of Tim!!!

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  4. I think Tim has always known about your talent and your aplomb, even before you did, and I'm sure he loves this portrait dearly; there can be no doubt! And I love it too, just as much based on your descriptions of Tim as on the fineness of the painting itself!

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  5. You have captured the sweetness of Tim as you have described him to us. This must be quite a triumph for you technically and spiritually, Suzanne. Thanks so much for sharing him with us.

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  6. The emotion in this is palpable Suzanne. There is no doubt of the love and connecting thread than runs between Tim and you and into your canvas too.

    Thank you for sharing it and thank you for sharing the most intimate feelings with what are sort of strangers, sort of friends in this strange environment of the internet. You touch people and lives in ways that you will never know.

    Now go out tomorrow and get Tim the biggest ol' cake you can find and save me a slice! :) You're doing well my friend. I can feel the peace returning to you.

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  7. That is one exquisitely gorgeous portrait and so easy to see how much love and heart was poured onto that canvas. Ah Suz...methinks I'd get such a kick out of seeing you still talking with Tim, and I mean that in a good way.

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  8. Breathtaking, my friend...you captured the sweet soul of Tim.
    Bren

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  9. Wow! I love the fact that he is not lookng into the camera. Feels more intimate. So skillfully and beautifully painted. Congrats on a beautiful portrait and your beautiful memories and attitude.

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  10. Suze he is beautiful. You've really put his soul into this piece, I don't know Tim, but I have the distinct impression that there is a little bit of who he really was in this piece. It is amazing and beautiful. And I never tire of hearing about Tim. Happy to hear you are feeling piece. :)

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  11. You are just a wonderfully spirited talent my friend. This is beautiful as well as your words. I don't think you should ever feel that people don't want to hear about Tim. I think it's wonderful that you keep his spirit alive and in doing so, many of us have gotten to know Tim through your beautiful words and feelings about him. The painting is lovely Suz. :)

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  12. Sweet Suz
    There are no words to describe the depth of this portrait of Angel Tim. We feel his soul, his warmth, we feel his love just as if he was sitting here with us.
    This is more than a portrait- its more than any words could express.
    We are thankful to you and Tim- for sharing his soul and who he was - with us.
    Thank you for always talking about Tim- he is part of you- and will forever be.
    The portrait- oh my gosh---he is there- he is here.
    Sending love and huggs to you, as you celebrate his day.
    love
    tweedles and moms

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  13. Dear Suzanne, Well, today is Tim's birthday. And you have honoured him beyond measure. When I saw this painting my heart stopped a little and I had to catch my breath. Lynn said what I was thinking too: silky and masculine. Your colour palette, the striped shirt, his hair, the glowing skin...what an incredible, intimate portrait. Please never apologize for talking about love (Tim). You've brought me to tears sometimes but there's nothing wrong with that. We are all on a wild journey...
    Love to you, especially tonight.

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  14. This is such a lovely painted tribute to your husband. You have created a beautiful memory.

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  15. Wow - this is a breathtaking portrait Suz! And painted with such love, it's so clear to see! So, is Tim going to be literally watching over your shoulder in the studio? or do you have another place to hang him? It must be tempting to paint one for each room in the house, so even though you can feel his presence, you get to see him too :0)

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  16. Tender, warm, sensitive... I'm describing your painting but I think I may also be describing Tim.

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  17. I wasn't teary eyed until I read all the lovely notes everyone wrote to you. Such a moving tribute - what they've said and your wonderfully masterful painting of Tim. Wow. And that "one more visit" is so true - a friend of ours found a Valentine to him from his wife in a drawer on Valentines Day a year after. Wonders never cease. Hugs to you and the pups.

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  18. This is a lovely portrait, Suzanne. Your love for this man shines in the painting. It is truly a wonderful tribute to your dear Tim.

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  19. Heartbreakingly breathtaking, Suzanne. Truly a great painting!

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  20. What a lovely gift to yourself! I'm so delighted to see this painting. It totally warms my heart. I know you've picked out a special place for it in your home. I'm sure Tim is very pleased as well. It's as though you're brought him back to life! Hugs my dear.

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  21. This brings tears to my eyes just looking at his portrait, I can't imagine how you managed to paint it, I can't really find words to describe it. I know he will be on your wall to be with you always as he is in spirit.

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  22. This is just beautiful Suzanne, superbly and utterly handsomely beautiful. Your heart is written all over the paint here - I can feel it in each stroke and it's stunning. The warmth you've given him shows exactly Tim as you loved him - a warm kind tender soul that loved you so completely in return. I hurt for you that you miss him so - I wish I had the power to bring him back so you could even just rest in his arms one more time. You guys made quite the team, and I know that having only met you and not even in person. Oh Suzanne, this is one of your most moving works you've ever done. Have you decided where to hang it or did I miss that? I love you for painting with all your heart - how I wish I could give you a big bear hug right now and hear the stories, the good and the bad, and just sit in your company while you talk about the love of your life, your true one and only Prince Charming. Praying you are feeling loved and refreshed after painting what must have been one of if not THE most emotional painting of your life. Take care my sweet friend - I can't wait to hear from you and so hope with all my heart that you are doing well!

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  23. Just so excellent! It had to be a difficult one to paint and yet it looks like it just fell off the brush in blended passes of color. Congratulations on effort made to look effortless so that we see this wonderful personality.

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  24. So full of color and light and life - just beautiful Suzanne! I look to you to see how this all plays in life - if I ever - I would look to your continuation of life and dealing with loss and use it as a model. I will never get tired of reading it from you. You express it in so many heartfelt ways - it warms my heart to know that there is LOVE in the world such as the ones you and I and others know and have known. Your words help me with reality. Your feelings are heeded and recognized. I think you are making great strides in your grief - it changes it's face - doesn't it? This painting surely gives him physical presence in your realm as you include him in your day to day.

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  25. Dear Suz!... Such a magnificent tribute the painting and your words! But not just a tribute that celebrates only your Tim. Your two "voices" eloquently embrace the essence of "good" painting... and "good" love!

    Unlike most tributes which are customarily paid to another... your tribute unintendedly and simultaneously pays tribute to "You" as well... as a person as worthy of the exact same love and respect that you offer Tim.

    I so deeply admired "You" and the relationship you shared with Tim and his physical loss... even across the vastness of cyberspace... through your two "voices." Imagine that you can form such a bond... and never see or touch the other. Such is the power of art... when combined with blogging! Art Matters!

    It is wonderful to see and hear both "voices"... strong(er) and determined to resume you journey and your Karma. Tim is smilin' his special Suz smile... and waiting...beyond The Now!

    Much Peace n 'hugs!
    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  26. Suz, your portrait glows with Tim's quiet yet profound inner beauty. I am beyond words ...
    Love to you
    Kathryn XX

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  27. I, for one, am so impressed with your ability to share your journey. I buried mine. Didn't think anyone would want to know the dark side. Sure wish I could have a reading...but after almost 12 years, sarah may have moved on.

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  28. you have a beautiful spirit suzanne ...such a special portrait and tribute to your loved one .

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  29. Nobody wants to think about the death of a loved one, but you are setting such a wonderful example of strength, grace and courage while dealing with a great loss. I think you'd be a tough act to follow.

    This painting is amazing.

    Thank you for sharing your journey.

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  30. What a beautiful portrait. Like the lovely colors in his hair and the stripes add such interest and contrast to the unusual angle for the viewer's eye.

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  31. Your love shines through in this portrait. It's wonderful, Suzanne. I hope painting it added something fabulous to your life. xoxo

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  32. Beautiful painting and beautiful post - so sweet.

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  33. This is such a poignant painting - beautiful viewpoint and really a good painting as well as a portrait. I'll have to try that canvas. Although, I suspect you and Gaugin could both do well on burlap! I'm happy you keep company with Tim. Never apologize for taking the time you need to come to grips or whatever! It's HUGE, what you went through, are going through. My heart aches for you. And yet… your love is still shining. And not everybody gets that.

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  34. His portrait is beautiful. When I read your posts about him I swear it's me speaking. My Mark (who also left suddenly) was the nicest person I've ever met. And he would talk over dialog in movies, too!!! I was constantly rewinding. I have thought about that a lot recently and how I would now love for him to be sitting with me talking over the dialog....thanks

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  35. This is such a beautiful portrait of Tim and a wonderful celebration of him. It must bring you comfort when you see it hanging on your wall, too. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. My heart aches for you in the here and now, but I know the two of you will be together again one day on the other side. I'm glad you can feel his presence with you while you are still here.

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  36. Hello again dear Suzanne, it's been a while... I saw the lovely photo of you two joyous lovebirds and soul mates, and backtracked to this old post of yours. So glad to know that you are doing so well despite your terrible physical loss of Tim. You are a talented artist and writer -- and making great use of your talents. The courage and resilience that you had first shown in the face of heartbreak, and the candor and humor that you have now shown in your writing as you adapt to life without Tim's physical presence, are uplifting. If I don't post comments often (though I'm now following you:), know that I'm rooting for you! (But not as much as Tim does;) This post of yours brought tears to my eyes. Hugs and love, Nancy.

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Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!