Tuesday, September 1, 2009


pencil on paper

When I sit down to work, whether it's a painting or a drawing, I get so uncomfortable my fight or flight response kicks in. I overheat, my stomach turns, a mini-panic attack ensues and the knee is goin' a mile a minute. The first couple of pencil lines or strokes of paint, I'm positive this will be a failure. I whisper to myself, "ya think this might end well?" A resounding NO ricochets off every corner of my brain and I give in and hunker down, preparing myself for failure.

Some minutes later the brush, or pencil in this case, begins to feel good in my hand. The lead glides along the textured paper, suddenly I have no problem with directional shading, which I believe I'm incapable of. At this point, I see that it might just be postable and another mini-attack makes itself known. Beads of sweat trickle from my forehead. I'm certain I'll ruin the drawing with my next line. I dance around the paper, trying to finish without touching lead to surface. I decide not to do a finished drawing and make the space work with the features I've drawn. I admonish myself for copping out and then give myself credit for trying a different approach.

It's done. I can post. No wonder I blew off that drawing a day promise I made last month.


  1. Woww Suzanne...What a mind blowing art work..Her Eyes are so expressive...I love it..Very softly done..:)

    Water based Color Pencil: Pomegranates

  2. Hi Suz, I don't break into sweats or get jittery, but I sure do look for other things to do when it's time to start on the "next one". Finally, I quit procrastinating and start, but I doubt myself tremendously going in. Then, I hate what I'm doing - my colors suck, my composition sucks, why did I use that brush this time?. And then, aaaahhhh, it all starts coming together and I start trusting myself again. This happens EVERY FREAKIN' TIME! And, yet, I love it.

    Keep pushing thru to these great works. You art and your words inspire. -Don

  3. You've captured the essence of this face. Beautiful work.

  4. I love it. And as an artist new to 'the game', appreciate your sharing that the negative self-talk is part of it. This drawing and your lovely paperworks paintings are inspiring me to actually get to the canvas and just practice, practice, practice. So thank you.

  5. Suzanne, I think this is beautiful and full of innocence. You have conveyed that well.
    I can understand all of those feelings. I think we all have our little avoidances. When I begin work, I start getting waylaid by small tasks and phone calls, etc. I have to reign myself in. But it all works out in the end.
    I'd love to see more of your drawings.

  6. Hi Suzanne,

    Not only are you an amazing artist, but you write so well! I was laughing and crying reading this. The blog has added a whole new dimension to our ability to worry ourselves -- and luckily a wonderful new layer of support.

    I can't keep up with you. Your drawing is magnificent.

    Take care,



Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!