Tuesday, March 6, 2012
STEP BY STEP
STONES in progress
Each time I begin to do something that I did before 2.23.12 happened, I have a panic attack and seem bound to remind myself that the last time I did whatever it is, Tim was still here with me. I guess that's normal. I've been sitting in bed, surrounded by spent tissues, books covering every square inch of the quilt, the sound turned down with the picture on the television, feeling completely and totally lost. Again, I guess that's normal, whatever normal is when something so totally unexpected and surreal takes place in ones life.
I decided to try and post today. Thought maybe it would help. I'm going to just try and get going again. Sitting around isn't working but I'd be lying if I said I expect painting will feel good. Nothing feels good. But, again, I guess that's normal.
I don't want to go through this on my blog. This is my job. When one returns to work after the loss of a loved one, one works. I'm fortunate to work from home, so when the tears start I'll just have a good wail and get back to work. You've heard Oprah speak of the "ugly cry?" Now I know what she was talking about.
The painting above has been changed twice. I got rid of the background and plan to work the detail on the stones much more realistically. I started this when I first began my blog so it's been around a while. I had planned to start a new bug that morning. I'll give it a try tomorrow.
And, I have missed so much of what everyone has done. I hope to be able to visit my favorite blogs and leave comments again at some point. Again, my wonderful friends, thank you so much for your kindness. I don't know what I would do without it.
Yo, Northport, where you at?
Posted by suzanneberry at 3:41 PM
Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!
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It's off to a beautiful start. I love the way you paint light. Cry, curl up in bed, do what ever needs to be done. warm hugs + love, Kim
Suze the painting is beautiful. I love the light in the stones, it's just incredible. I wish I could be there for you to give you a real hug, but this one will have to do *hugs*. I hope that the days get better for you dear friend.ReplyDelete
Suzanne, you're in my thoughts and prayers, so sorry for your loss.ReplyDelete
This is absolutely beautiful! I love the way the stones glow and the top of the bag is perfect!
I was looking at this painting and I can see through the glass stones. I can see to the other side where the sun is shining a reflection through them. Do you see it?
It looks impossible to have captured that light and that feeling, but you did. Because yes there is a glow that shines on them- yes, a reflection. They are beautiful. They are you.
Keep talking, keep sharing. We are here for you to hold you up.
We love you.
Beautiful painting. The light is amazing. Work when you can, cry when needed. Always remember you have many people that love you. Hugs ... LindaReplyDelete
Really nice light in this painting. Light ahead for you too.ReplyDelete
Suz, you are so brave! It's great to see you back in action, and it's a beautiful painting even if you call it done right now. The liveliness in the brush strokes and the light on the the beads is gorgeous!ReplyDelete
Wonderful effervescent light in your painting... a sign I think. I am glad to see you posting and reaching to your canvas. My heart and thoughts continue to be with you, Suz.ReplyDelete
It's a wonderful painting, Suzanne. The light is fabulous and your post was very touching. Sending you love and light...take care. JeanneReplyDelete
Suzanne, you are continuing this wonderfully. The stones are glowing with light...ReplyDelete
I'm glad to read about how you are doing, although I could have guessed... it's just good to know you are hanging on. Take the time you need, take things one day at a time and do what you must to get through the "time".
I am beside you in spirit and friendship.
And keep painting- it's great therapy.
I use my blog to organize thoughts and emotions often, Suz. It is more than ok, my friend. Beautiful job on the glass pebbles. Love all the colors you've captured in them.ReplyDelete
You need to let the tears fall as they need to, paint as you want to, talk as you should and grieve as is normal and necessary.ReplyDelete
I was talking with my parents only a few days ago about what has happened to you - both of them have seen your blog many times as I'm always going on about what a brilliant Artist you are.
My Mum popped over for coffee only yesterday and asked me how you are. I thought about it when she had gone... How it is possible to really care about someone we have never met. But, clearly it really is possible because our thoughts for you and how you must be feeling are genuine.
Like Tim, you can not see us, but that doen't mean we are not here. I am just so glad that you have posted on your blog and you have picked up your canvas again. You mustn't worry about visiting other peoples blogs at the moment. Everyone understands that it is going to take time for you to come to terms with this and you don't need to be worrying about anything else other than yourself at the moment. Your painting, by the way, is absolutely stunning and I would never have known it wasn't finished xxx
So incredibly beautiful, Suzanne! The light hitting these stones are so outstanding..making each one shine! Your post is so moving and I think of you at least once every day wondering how you are. Always remember we are all here for you...HUGS!!ReplyDelete
Suzanne--I just haven't known what to say since reading of your loss a few days ago. Thanks for sharing how you're doing so openly. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. Your painting is wonderful--good to tackle something big like that. Blessings.ReplyDelete
Hi Suz. So nice to find you here this morning. Tim's passing has been shocking to you. It's not time to be tough on yourself. Allow yourself time to heal a bit. If sitting in bed with tissues is all you can do at the moment, then so be it. Painting and blogging will return in time.ReplyDelete
I love the glistening you've already captured in your stones.
Keeping you in my prayers...
Suzanne - Your painting is beautiful and I see it has many symbolic undertones. It's a perfect project for you right now. Although I can hardly imagine what you are going through, just keep looking for the light. Art can be very healing. I've been searching for this poem (by my Ex's uncle) to send to you, as I thought it may offer you some comfort. I am sure Tim's spirit is still there with you. Looking for the little booklet for days, yesterday I found the poem, posted on my web site almost seven years ago. I think you are handling this life changing ordeal amazingly well Suzanne. You are an inspiration in many ways. With Love, SandyReplyDelete
Following is part of a poem in PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE by Ray Mahanes:
"At Journey's End"
Today, I'm in the cool rain
that nurtures a parched land;
tomorrow, in a golden blaze of sun,
a highlight to a little girl's curls.
Christmas, you'll find me
in powdered sugar snow,
sifting a downy mantle
over old New England.
In summer after a storm,
in a rainbow's smile,
there I'll be.
I'm a free infinite spirit,
fleeting like the wind...
so much of the good earth
yet to savor,
before moving on
to my new
I was so surprised and happy to see you on dp this morning. My first reaction to this painting is that each stone represents new paths for you now in your life. A new life, new friendships, new memories, new work and new rainbow. As you complete each one and bring it to reality so will your life also shine.
This is difficult but is a new reality of your path to come. All good will come to you because you are so special. I commend you for your bravery. Tim would want you to paint and you know that working is the best thing for you now. You are going to see a whole new light to your work now that you probably didn't even know you had. Looking forward to seeing this one completed.
Just pick up that brush and make the first stroke and you will feel Tim there with you. imagine what you are going to create now!
Here if you need me my friend
My dearest Gunkie! Please take your time with everything. I am not good with writing down feelings, or giving advice, but just be you.ReplyDelete
Love you, Suz!
I came back tonight just to give you another hug.
I feel like talking to you, and so I thought that you could just listen. You do not need to respond to me. It's just me the little pug nestling up against your ankles. I also wanted to give some love to Raz and Blu, and I hope they are doing okay too. This is very hard for all of you to have Tim not there.
I am still reaching my paws around your neck.
Tomorrow if you paint- I will be peeking over your shoulder
Wonderful to see you again, Suzanne. Welcome home.ReplyDelete
Love the light shining on the stones, so beautiful! Give yourself time and don't feel like you have to answer back comments. Know that you have hugs from all over the blogosphere.
I look at those myriad of glistening stones and imagine they represent the hope of each day as you go forward in your grief process. I am surprised you can write and paint. Proof that you will get through this time - because Tim will always be with you, in everything you do. His love for you will shine in your soul and 'being'. It's inevitable...HUGS!!ReplyDelete
Suz, I am amazed that you can concentrate enough to even pick up a brush! You are a very special lady and I know Tim would be proud of you. Please treat yourself well. Don't do the "I should be...." game. Healing will be in your time and your way. Just know you have hundreds of people who have never met you, but care about you and want to support you now.ReplyDelete
Your painting is amazing. Hopefully your art will be a comfort to you now.
Pfffft.... don't even TRY for 'normal'. What happened to you and Tim was totally NOT normal! Do what you feel like doing. Give yourself the grace of time. The bugs will wait. The pugs, I'm sure, are freaked and sticking to you like velcro. I wish wish wish I could come visit and take you to a beautiful place and go for a nice walk, treat you to a homemade picnic lunch, and leave you alone for a bit so you could cry, ugly or not. I KNOW that ugly cry. It is cathartic. Paint, be prepared to toss it, and then look up. There is still beauty around. xoxoReplyDelete
Its me Tweedles
two simple words for you tonight.
We know how bad your hurting.
we love you
I wish I could "fix this" but I can't.ReplyDelete
we are reaching for you.
Thinking of you....ReplyDelete
Your painting is beautiful. I'm glad that messages from the blogging world help a bit for we are so thinking of you.ReplyDelete
Yes, as others have said, thinking of you and sending you all good thoughts.ReplyDelete
Beautiful painting, as usual... Beautiful text.... you are certainly gifted as a writer, too. Some feelings are better expressed in ways other than words. Your paintings can be therapy, and help you heal. You bring joy to others with your words and images.ReplyDelete
I do not know what to say....sometimes there are no words for what has happened but there are words to describe our resilience. I have looked in on your blog for a long time. You are an amazing artist. Your strength and your talent shines through all of the darkness that we as artists and humans go through in the journey. I believe that whatever happens makes us richer... memories are joy and those we have loved will always be with us.ReplyDelete
Dear Susanne, You don't know me, I just wanted to express my deepest condolences.. There are no words to comfort you...I know..I've been through this 2 years ago. The only thing saved me and still healing, was painting..Please don't give up....Breath, Paint and Live ..My heart and my prayers are with you Susanne ..Peace , EmiliyaReplyDelete
Your ability to capture light in your work amazes me! I think Tweedles had great advice...just breathe. One day at a time.ReplyDelete
((((((HUGS))))))) and lots of love.