Sunday, December 8, 2013
16x16" oil on linen
Maddie is a Westie and a Christmas commission. I so hope her Mom likes it, it's a surprise. I've been assured that she wouldn't see it here so I am looking forward to hearing how it's received. It was a lot of fun to work on except this is my first time using Blick Linen. We didn't hit if off, but I have another canvas of theirs to work on so we'll see.
Been having a difficult few weeks but I think it's because I realized I was falling back on some bad behaviors every night to dull the senses. Overeating has always been my first drug of choice but I've found it's no longer affording me any peace, not that it ever has, so I decided to change my habits. And of course, all of the emotions I've been pushing down with peanuts (you remember them) etc., are now washing over me like a set of large cresting waves, increasing in size with each successive one. And this is a good thing!! In my studying I've learned that I need to sit in these feelings and experience them before they can be released, so actually what feels like poop will eventually clear the way for even more healing.
It's really amazing to realize that those awful feelings we have are there because we need to feel them, not try to make them disappear. Ugh! But I have to admit, once I sit in them, experience them, feel them, there is a sense of a huge weight being lifted. Resist nothing! That's what seems to be coming at me from all directions and I'm finding that admitting and facing my fears and dreads is what diminishes them and makes them go away....for good.
Tim has been very sweet during this time. In fact the latest "visit" has me so freaked out I hesitate to share it. But of course I will and I'll keep it short because I'm very uncomfortable with it and am having trouble embracing it.
Real bad day last Wednesday. Wandering from room to room, lots of ugly crying, couldn't work, couldn't read...felt like it just happened. Plopped down on the couch with the pups and just looked out the window feeling just awful. The mailman pulls up. The dogs freak out. I let them out the back so they could give the mailman a piece of their minds and I could go out the front and retrieve the mail. What is it with dogs and mailman. They go nuts! Anyway....
Back in the house I see an envelope from Amazon. Not remembering ordering a book recently, I ripped it open to find a book entitled..Chicken Soup for the Soul...Miraculous Message from Heaven! I had no memory of ordering this book, but thought if I did at some point and forgot, the timing could not have been more perfect. I smiled, looked up and thanked Tim for his ever impeccable timing.
Thinking I'd ordered it months ago and it was out of stock, I examined the envelope for the receipt that always accompanies anything I order from Amazon. Nothing! Hmmmm....So I went online and reviewed my order history for the last full year. Nothing! There simply is no evidence that I ordered this book whatsoever!!
Okay....what's going on here? I began reading the stories which were very comforting as promised and most of them were about objects with real meaning, to those who received them, manifesting in the physical world which freaked me out even more! I shared this with 3 close friends to see if they would shine me on and think...okay, she's lost it, but they were supportive and excited, so I decided to share this with you guys. I must admit, I am a little ashamed of myself as I always tried to make Tim embrace the metaphysical when he was here and now that he's tossing me some serious proof of its existence, I'm balking! Again, I think it's that bugaboo of wanting something so much that when you receive it, you just can't believe it!
I'm still very freaked out. I saved the envelope and continue to read each story of hope, love and assurance and I feel so much better I can't believe it! This is an amazing journey. I've begun keeping a record of each "visit" and gift and it's been so incredibly invaluable I am amazed!! My mood has shifted completely and I can't thank Tim enough for continuing to show me that he's right here with us.
Clearly, Tim Berry has not lost one ounce of cool! Thank you my love for this gift of peace and assurance.
December 10, 2013
And I must say, I am both a little disappointed and a tad relieved! I just stumbled out of bed and while the boys were eating logged on to find an email from a new friend Wendy Barnes. Wendy is also my first attempt at teaching online.
Anyway, in her email Wendy asked if I had received the copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul....she recently sent me as a gift!
OOOOkay!! I definitely was having trouble embracing this particular "visit" from Tim. They say souls retain their personality when they pass, and this "gift" really didn't fit his. However, I'm both proud and happy that I was open to believing it could have been from him.
And so, the mystery of this blog entry is solved. And thank you so much Wendy, I still believe the arrival of the book at a time when I needed it most was, in its own way, a miracle.
Posted by suzanneberry at 9:53 AM
Labels: 16x16" oil on linen, Dog portrait, white coat
Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!
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Good morning Suzanne. First of all your pup is brilliant! If they didn't like it their eyesight is impaired. A beautiful Christmas present indeed. I loved your story. Sorry to hear the week was difficult. Christmas is a tough time of year no matter what! The "gift" was wonderful.Thank you for sharing with us Tim's most recent visit. Truly a blessing. Great you are keeping a record. I've forgotten many. Have a fabulous day Suzanne. Blessings, always.ReplyDelete
Maddie is beautiful Suz, I have no doubt her Mom will love it! Sorry to hear you've been having a difficult time but so glad the Chicken Soup book is helping. Sending prayers and hugs.ReplyDelete
Beautiful portrait of Maddie! Funny, but I was surprised as I have a close friend also with a westie named Maddie! I'm sure Maddies mum will love it, you did a wonderful job on it. I have never tried black linen, I think it sounds intriguing to try out. Sorry to hear that you have been having a tough time...it's part of life, and sounds like you are being real about it, which can only be a good thing. All the best wishes for a brave new year.ReplyDelete
Both your beautiful painting and your heartfelt sharing have lifted my spirits. Thank you Suzanne.ReplyDelete
I love the way Maddie's eyes sparkle. Your art is just beautiful! And, again thank you for sharing your stories of Tim and his visits. It's so wonderful to feel his presence when you need him. I love that.ReplyDelete
Gorgeous, absolutely love the white fur!ReplyDelete
Beautiful painting of Maddie! Wonderful story of the book from Tim, it brought happy tears to my eyes. Hugs!ReplyDelete
Oh my gosh,, we cannot believe this is a painting- it looks like Maddie is here in front of us- like- for real! More magic from you!ReplyDelete
We will need to come back and read and re- read your words- and again look at Maddie
Well, first of all this painting is such a beauty! Somebody is going to be extremely happy! Looks like it just fell off the brush, any struggles are completely invisible! And, thanks for sharing your recent experience, your courage & ability to work through loss and see true meaning is uplifting.ReplyDelete
Ahhh, Suz...Maddie is soft and sweet and so alive. I love her watery eyes and those bits of fur sprouting in front of them. And her little cold wet nose is perfection.ReplyDelete
You, my friend, continue to give the rest of us hope, courage and faith that life is good and all is well.
Oh this West Highland Terrier is gorgeous. Looks like a photo, Suz, so methinks you are mistaken about the black linen. LOL I love hearing your stories of Tim's continued love. I don't think you are nuts at all and I'm thankful for the peace that he provides you.ReplyDelete
Beautiful painting of this Westie! The fur looks like I could push my hands into it. Perfect. I used to have a Westie, called Misty (Highland Mist) who was a real spitfire bundle of muscle and over-brimming with energy. Your painting brings back memories of her well.ReplyDelete
Grief and holiday seasons seem to spur each other on,don't they? And you're right, you do have to just experience each emotion as it comes and let it pass. With Tim's perfect timing of a little gift, what could be better? Yes, he's keeping an eye on you. Just as it should be.
Wow - that Westie is truly amazing! It could be a photo - in fact I thought it was in the thumbnail on my sidebar and also at first glance... I had to really look at it closely and begin reading before i knew it was a painting. The receiver is going to be so thrilled!ReplyDelete
As for Tim... well I don't suppose I need to tell you my thoughts on it all because you already know! Go with the flow... and this time of year is bound to bring it all to the surface. If we were incapable of feeling sad, then we would be unable to feel happy - we can't feel one without the other, so yes, I agree we have to go through those waves as awful as it feels at the time. The story of the book is so wonderful! I am glad you are embracing it :0)
Hi Suzanne, I just discovered your wonderful blog while perusing Daily Paintworks. Your paintings are GORGEOUS and masterfully done! I wanted to ask a technical question...I am experimenting with learning how to make my own canvases and panels, and I just bought some Blick linen to make these with. You mentioned that you weren't so crazy about the Blick, but did not specify why? And a few posts back, you mentioned Masterpiece Fine Belgian linen. I may see if I can find where to purchase that. Any advice you care to share, I would benefit from it I'm sure.ReplyDelete
I love that you blog from your heart. Your words moved me. Hugs your way.
Suzanne, firstly, that painting is beyond incredible...secondly, I'm grieving my husband also (sudden loss in August) so I can totally understand and relate to your grief process. I also had 2 visits from my hubs. One was very physical such as your book and it is somewhat hard to accept although I asked for it and it followed a hysterical few hours....I've been reading a lot of books about afterlife (Sylvia Brown, James Van Praag, Jennifer O'Neill, Sonia Choquette and, well, a lot of others and one of their messages is don't question these gifts because they are real. They exist in a parallel space, just 3 feet above and exist at a higher frequency which we on earth cannot see. I just heard of a book called The Afterlife of Billie Fingers" which has excellent reviews. I'll read it...yup...because I want to know where my husband is. My best to you in your journey. It's hard...isn't it?ReplyDelete
Love maddie! So sorry to read about your stinky week, but it ended good! On the subject of linen, I've heard real good things about Jerry's centurion oil primed. I haven't tried it yet, the price is sure good. James Richards, an artist from Georgia loves it...ReplyDelete
Schmid says there is a vast difference/improvement with oil primed and that wipeouts are easier. Of course he uses the
Our dearest SuzReplyDelete
Just like we said,,, we are back. We spent more time looking at the incredible portrait of Maddie. Total bizare that this is a painting! Oh yes someone is going to be very happy!
Now, we had the time to sit- relax and read what you had to share. This is very important to us- and we want to thank you for "trusting" us with what is happening - what your feeling,, all of it.
This book is incredible- that it just came out of the blue- without a trace. Well we know it was all "in the plan- of things to happen".
Good for you for keeping a journal- and writing stuff in it---
All the things you say- help everyone of us in one way or another. We look forward to what you have to share- what has happening,,, how your feeling....
we are connected to you- and we are connected to Angel Tim too,,
and its meant to be that we listen to what you have to say- because it helps us open our own hearts. Thank you Suz
that portrait of Maddie is just awwweeesommme. I have never seen a better dog painting. Now...as for that book.....wow. If there is no explanation..that's our explanation. Maybe you can tell us which story from the book resonates most with you. I'd love to know. :)ReplyDelete
Just had to comment here.... The mystery and the gift was not the book. The TIMING of the delivery was the gift.ReplyDelete
I absolutely love this painting and am looking forward to hearing how Maddie's mom liked it!
Suzanne, thank you so much for your recent visit to my blog and for your kind words. As with your book, "Chicken Soup for the Soul" your timing was perfect! I was having a bout of doubt, which happens. Now i cannot wait to get back to the studio. Also, it is such a treat to come here and browse through your beautiful paintings. They are magical. Every single one. A previous comment about the "timing" of your gift was most accurate. Tim very well had a part in the inspiration. A beautiful story indeed. Blessings my friend today and always. :)ReplyDelete
Maddie is touchingly beautiful.ReplyDelete
I use Centurion linen, acrylic primed. It's much less expensive than most linen and I really like it. I've never tried the oil primed because I'm afraid I might like it more and it's definitely more expensive!
stunning dog portrait so realistic.... did you paint the bg or is it just the canvas suzanne ? ... hope your book was a good read ... take care jReplyDelete