I THINK IT'S BACK!

"BABY BLU refreshed"
oil on linen 24x20"

Well that happened! The other day while tidying up I suddenly felt a strong urge to paint! Finally!! I ventured into the store room—very scary, what a mess—there's a dent in this canvas because of said mess—looking for some large canvases to prepare and saw this painting of Blu from June 2011. Tim was still here then! Sigh.

Anyway, it struck me that if I worked on a piece already established I would be able to bypass the procrastination and false starts that usually pop up when standing before any empty blank canvas. It worked! In no time I was boldly splashing on a background...which has always bothered me. The interesting point about this particular painting is that I considered it completed back then, however as I continued to work on it and it came together, at last that familiar yet elusive wave of joy passed over me and I was involved and enjoying myself.

The fear was gone, the timidness evaporated. I didn't equate the outcome with self-worth and I believe for an instant or two, I actually felt to my soul that none of this mattered...not one tiny bit. Oh in the material world, "why haven't you been working, what's wrong with you" kind of way, of course it matters but in the big picture, in a universal sense, it absolutely doesn't matter at all so have at it Suz and have fun! And I did.

The trick is believing that when a painting isn't working for me but I think I'll get there.

I am pleased with the finished version but not altogether unhappy with the original. As I said, the background always bothered me, visually it didn't read "casual oil sketch"  but messy vertical lines for no reason, so I think the version on the right is more what I'm looking for now. Either way, I'm elated to have that desire back again and whatever coddling I need to do in order to keep it going... I'll do!

I think accepting the void and not fighting it is key. Since "IT" happened I've learned to accept the present moment more and more. The pain comes from resisting it. As I worked I listened to Eckhart Tolle's "The Open Door" session. We often think if we resist what's happening it will somehow protect us from the pain it will inevitably cause. "This shouldn't be happening! I refuse to accept it!" The very simple and obvious reply...But it is happening!

Apologies to the kind folks who left comments on my last post. I haven't returned the compliment as yet but I will. I so appreciate your support and sharing, it helps on so many levels and thank you so for dropping by!

30 PAINTINGS IN 30 DAYS

"Baby Blu Berry"
8x8" oil on canvas $150
Painting Three

SOLD

Okay, this is working! I splashed!! Tightened up to do the eye but this was done in about 2 hours! Had to force myself to call it though. So wanted to get into those details!

The love seat is under the picture window...do they still call them that?...in the living room and since I put it there it has become the boys "go to" perch. They spend the day barking at leaves, people, white cars and trucks and the mailman! Seriously, what is the deal with dogs and the mailman? They go nuts. Feels familiar...repeating myself again. Anyway, then they run to the back door to be let out so they can "chase" whoever they were barking at.

The love seat is in shambles but they love looking out the window so much I don't have the heart to try and keep them off of it. Plus, they exhaust themselves all day and sleep soundly the minute their little heads hit my pillow! Yep! Still hanging my kiester off the side of the king size but hey, they're comfy.

Anyway, this challenge thing so far is the best thing that could have happened. I say "happened" because I see, each and every day that what we focus on becomes our reality. I kept saying I wanted to get back to dailies but never really thought about how. Even finding this challenge that Leslie is hosting was through a new friend I've just made through a comment she left on my blog. And here I am, doing dailies and really enjoying myself! Repeating...again!

I love beginning on a black canvas. Unless I'm doing a bug, the white space seems so daunting and difficult to fill up for me. It becomes sort of like a scratch board exercise...picking the light out of the dark and mid tones just sort of happens. Plus it keeps me from working light to dark which never works out well, and yet I still insist on trying to make it.

I have so many great shots of the boys. I can see it now....eggs, pugs and fruit...fruit, eggs and pugs. I'm cool with that.

Tim worked some TV magic the other night. It's amazing, the man is Spirit and I'm still feeling insecure, in spite of all the signs, visits and validation from a world famous medium...ah yes,  those ever present abandonment issues (thanks mom). So, I'm thinking, it's almost been two years since I heard those magic words, what if he's found some blithe spirit to while away the hours with?

Turn on the tube, begin channel surfing, land on a movie some of my friends have been prompting me to see...Where Dreams May Come! It's been on for a few so I thought I'll check it out for a while. It's the scene where his wife...who by the way is an artist...is standing in front of her canvas in the middle of an ugly cry and he's standing so close, trying to make her feel and hear him and at that moment, he yells into her ear...."I LOVE YOU!!!" Happy tears followed. And lots of goose bumps! Another sign.

Coincidence? Perhaps. But not for me! Then the movie got weird. It's funny and tragic...seems humans cannot conceive of a place without conflict...not even heaven!

Off to get going on painting number 27 and thank you again and again for the lovely comments! It's wonderful to see all of the incredible work everyone is doing.