THANK YOU!

First, I'd like to apologize for my ravings yesterday. Never post in a mood like that. Thank you all so very much for the comments of support and gentle admonishment. I needed both! I have the uncanny ability to behave like a ten year old brat from time to time. I have so very much to be grateful for, especially art.  No more whining. Just more painting.

THAT FREAKIN' APPLE!

6x6"

oil on board

NFS

You're sitting in front of the easel thinking, let me just dash off an apple. Simple enough. At least you'll have a painting to post. The pups just went out, so they should brawl in their little playpen and give you at least one hour, uninterrupted. This'll be good. It'll get you outta that funky mood, the one that covers you in doubt like a thin transparent film of filth, dulling your vision and sealing up your ears to any sanity that might try to squeak through and knock you upside the head and out of the pity pot.

Well here it is. That freakin' apple! Been working on it for 3 weeks on and off. And it sucks. I need to get this out. I know it seems ridiculous. It's a painting of an apple. Surely not your best Suz, but hey, it's ok. If you are an artist I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about. If you've read my blog at all you know I'm a walking poster child for insecurity and doubt, always lamenting the loss of my mojo. I even received a very passionate email from someone admonishing me, albeit gently, for even uttering the words "I can't paint anymore!" This person's mother was a gifted artist until surgery went dreadfully wrong and made it impossible for her to work— ever again. That definitely gave me pause and made me even more guilty about this latest session of nonsense and waste 'o time.

I felt stupid trying to explain to her that those feelings of dread, of the seeming loss of one's ability, however false they might be in reality, feel very real. Stupid? Yes. I know I'm responsible for what I think and feel. Thoughts cannot just show up. And they all have a purpose. And if I don't take steps to curtail this flight of fancy into the dark place, I'm really going to be extremely unhappy, not to mention hopelessly behind.

So I'm posting this freakin apple. I'm not going to melt, disappear, or spontaneously combust if I post work that I think isn't good. I should make it a point of posting everything I do, good, bad or indifferent. I need to laugh at this stuff. These standards I'm holding myself to are ridiculously high, not to mention arrogant and methinks I'm not the only one sick and tired of my constant whining. I'm so very tired of this dance, obviously I can paint.

It's nothing but a smokescreen of doubt so that when the smoke does clear, there I'll be, on the bed, Pug on each shoulder — one eating my hair, the other still bent on extracting milk from my ear lobe, remote in one hand, bag of chips in the other and depression, solidly and "happily" in place. I think it would be a lot easier if I just put the brush down, laughed off the doubt and insecurity and watched the tube until I felt better, providing I felt better within the next hour that is.

Maybe I'll try that the next time.

HOW MUCH?

11x14"

pencil on paper

$75

I can't seem to finish a painting these days. It's impossible to jump up and down from the easel and keep some kind of flow creatively, so I'm going to commit to drawings...again...until I can finish some of the pieces I'm working on. This time I think I'll honor my commitment, I really need to post.

How Much?
11" x 14" (28.0cm x 35.6cm)
pencil on paper
$75 plus $12.5 shipping and handling in the US
E-mail me for International shipping rates or other inquiries.

ON THE EASEL - THE VASE

Strangeness. I'm all over the place. This is a painting in progress for Six by Six in NYC. Amazing setup, that. I read about it on another artist's blog and decided to send for the kit. I'm a big fan of packaging and the way this arrives is too cool! Beautifully designed and  just plain fun.  And the canvas surface is perfect. I'm going to take my time and do this right. Layers, stages, patience, remaining true to my reference color value etc. See what happens. I'll be posting the stages to see how it goes.

I've been very critical of myself...again. I really haven't been working enough. Graphic design jobs were coming in and I was grateful, but they were a rush, they dragged on with multiple revisions and compensation was far too slow. I was whining about not having enough time to paint and himself came up with an amazing  solution! He suggested I remove myself from the free-lance arena and concentrate on painting. All day! I was thrilled, I felt free and couldn't wait to start and end the day painting. Of course the first day I did that, I sat in front of the easel and did a lot of heaving sighing and not much else. Surprise!

Another dry spell. Whatever. Self imposed, like all my pain and frustration. Feel the poop and move on. Even I'm getting a tad weary of my all consuming artist angst. What's the big deal? Just paint.

The pups are really a handful. I'm following a schedule but they are taking up a lot more time than I anticipated. But they passed the button test, with flying colors, so that's cool. What is the button test you ask? Whenever I make a life-changing decision, and for me the pups were just that, I visualize a big button, not unlike the Staples big "easy" button. Each week that passes after the big change has taken place, I see the button in my minds eye and ask myself the simple question..."If I could push this button and -  fill in the blank -  would disappear from view and memory with no consequences, would I push it?" Absolutely not! I do ask myself at 5:30 in the morning, on a dark, dreary, rainy, nasty day...Ok, just what the hell were we thinking, but that's only because they think rain is kryptonite  for dogs and refuse to do their business. Not fun. Other than that they are pure joy.

NITE! NITE!

9x12'
graphite on paper
$50

I just opened this scan and yawned. Hope that's a good thing.

I'm feelin' good, got five paintings in the works at varying stages. The pups are wailin'. I'm off.

Nite! Nite!
11" x 14" (28.0cm x 35.6cm)
pencil on paper
$75 plus $12.5 shipping and handling in the US
E-mail me for International shipping rates or other inquiries.

TICKLED

9x12'
pencil on paper
sold

I'm down to posting once a week if I'm lucky! Himself has been ill and hasn't finished his painting so I lied again. We didn't post side by side yet, I cut him some slack. Until the end of the month. I haven't finished mine either. Can't use the pups as an excuse, work must go on. Just gotta be more disciplined....again.

I want to post at least five days a week. Yeah...I know... I've said that before.

THE BOYS

NFDP

It's been one whole week of puppy love and each time I look at them my heart just melts. It's a strange feeling though, as Devlin is never far from my thoughts. I no longer feel like I'm being unfaithful to his memory, but I think of him and our relationship every single day.

That said, these two little cartoon characters, two little muppets, whose thinly veiled Ewok disguise hasn't got me fooled one bit by the way, have taken over our home and hearts completely. We happily surrendered, after very little fighting, to their every wish. I've tried, countless times, to set eyes on them, without experiencing an intense and sudden need to express a loud, heartfelt, and very gushy AWWWWWW!

If anything could take our minds off of missing Devlin without making the inevitable comparisons, it's these two. They appear to have come from central casting, two characters straight out of a Disney cartoon, with hastily planned sequels no less. When I'm trying to get some work done and I hear their little squeaks, or look to the left of my foot by my easel and see those two sets of saucer eyes set precariously far apart upon a snout that seems to have met head on, full speed with an unforgiving wall, the thought of limping (I twisted my knee by simply walking...hello) downstairs out into the cold rain to let them relieve themselves is pure heaven. Of course it's not nearly that simple, but it sure feels that way. And now, a very deep felt, happy, love-filled heavy sigh!