Tuesday, January 21, 2014

THE GIRLS...so far

The Girls (WIP)
36x36" oil on canvas

This is the portrait I've been whining about having trouble with for the last year or so. I've come close but still no stogie. But no worries girls, I'll get there, I promise. I knew both of these young ladies before they made their respective entrances into this world, which is mostly likely the reason there is this, shall we say, rather mature looking, older woman staring back at me each morning from our bathroom mirror. Who is she??

Anyway, a dear friend and guardian angel used to live next door years back and these are her two beautiful girls, ahem....excuse me...three beautiful girls. You may remember Chloe...the one with the fur coat, from a portrait I did of her last year. I can see she needs some work as well...her right leg seems to be growing out of her neck!

I keep going back and trying to capture them and I will at some point. I think it's good for me to not give up. I used to. Such a brat! Not going my way? Fine, I'm done! I had started another portrait of these beautiful girls when they were much younger. Got halfway through and called it quits telling their mother it wasn't working. Years later I stumbled upon it and was really happy with it so, clearly, putting a painting away to marinate is a good idea. This particular one has been in the sauce way to long though.

I'm still recovering from my 30/30 Challenge attempt. Haven't been back in the studio since. Going in tomorrow. I'm ready. The store room is tidy, there are bags of things to donate and I have 3 (of 6) huge construction garbage bags of mail to sort and shred so things are moving along. Tim is hysterically laughing right now. He witnessed me move those bags from garage to closet to garage to store room to garage and back to closet and store room, again! I found some statements and mail from the eighties! He wasn't a fan of sorting and shredding. I can see why. You can be sure however, that there is a standard operating procedure set up in the office for dispatching any incoming mail to it's proper destination! Shredder at the ready! Heavy sigh.

There is so much I want to say about Tim and the reading I had with medium Patrick Matthews but I fear it all sounds too outrageous to be believed. I'm the one who used to try and sell the metaphysical to Tim! Now he knows it's real and I'm balking! I hate when that happens!

I will say that I've been also whining about him not coming through to me in my dreams or me not remembering if he did. Well after the phone session began and Patrick said Tim was too excited to begin to allow him to quiet his mind, the first message he gave me was...

"He's heard you and he's working on a way to come through to you in dreams so you'll remember!"

Well yesterday morning around 4AM I woke up and for a bit couldn't get back to sleep. However when I did and woke up a few hours later it was to the very incredible and vivid memory of the most wonderful visit and tender kiss from my best friend in the world. We spent some time together and it's fuzzy now but it was just what I needed. And since then everything looks different, better somehow. I'm sure in a few days I'll be whining about needing more signs, more visits, but I'll try not to. He's probably exhausted.

I never expected this to be part of my mourning process. I would swear to the reality of it all if it were someone else all of this was happening to, but when it's you there's a hesitancy and the fear of being thought of as the poor widow who's lost her stuff if you know what I mean. I'm just going to continue to remain positive and grateful for even having met this man, let alone being his best friend and wife for twenty years. The rest, I'll leave up to him.

Thanks for stopping by and thank you too for the support and kind words on my Challenge attempt.


  1. This portrait is gorgeous, I don't think that there is much more you can do to it, it's funny how nit-picky we are about our own paintings I'm just the same.
    I love reading your posts, they are so honest and you just have a way with words. Have you ever thought of writing and illustrating a story, I'm sure it would be wonderful.
    Hope you get back in the painting groove again, without that pressure of having to produce. Looking forward to seeing your next creation.

  2. Gosh Suz
    We want to sat that there is no way this is a painting! But we know it is!
    How can you do this? And its just perfect!
    Were glad you have given yourself a little time to just relax and get away from pressures- and then when the tine is right for you-- the paint brush will be in your hands.
    Thank you for trusting us to walk along side your journey Suz. Thank you also for sharing Angel Tim with us, and the signs that he is giving to you. A dream- a kiss! How wonderful!
    tweedles and moms

  3. The painting is really special but nothing beats your dream. Wow! Are you blessed or what! Happy for you...very happy.

  4. a double portrait! wow...! Oh wait. It is a triple portrait when you count the wee pooch. I don't know what else you'll do with it....but it is impressive right where it is. What a project to take!
    I don't think you are losing your stuff....! I'm very glad that you're in communication with your other half. What a great dream. Good to know that you'll go to the studio tomorrow. I just bet Tim approves big time. :)

  5. Awww, Suz...These girls are beautiful!! I honestly thought it was a photograph from my thumbnail on my blog. I also agree with Celeste. You are not losing your stuff and personally, I wish I had someone to come through and comfort me at times. I do an awful lot of hating on myself.

  6. Big wow! Your portrayal of the three girls is wonderful. Looks perfect to me. So fun catching up with your blog. Your egg paintings, the expression sketches, pooch painting....great and fun work!
    Wishing many more happy Tim dreams for your future!

  7. I always enjoy visiting your blog. First this portrait is just beautiful! I understand not continuing with the 30 in 30, it should make you happy not stressed. Your reading sounds so exciting and I am glad Tim came through for you. I have always wanted one hoping my mom would come through. We didn't really leave anything unsaid I just miss her. Hugs sweet lady.

  8. These three look finished to me, Suzanne!!! A gorgeous portrait.. I thought it was a picture at first...very realistic..
    I think your visits with Tim is wonderful and feel in my heart that it's how he's helping you go through the grieving process...!!

  9. What a journey you are on... What amazing things that you have learned about yourself and separation and the grieving process... I am humbled by your experience.

    I love this painting. You are so close to completion! Love, Love, Love!!

  10. Wow! What a masterful portrait - double portrait! Incredible, Suzanne! You are an AWESOME, AWESOME artist!

  11. The portrait is wonderful! How could you not be happy???
    And I am glad you have recovered from your burn out... But still, that challenge was really good for you in the long term I'm sure. It's amazing what you can achieve in such a short time! And I'm glad that you are feeling Tim again... It's so nice to feel the joy from you :0)

  12. This painting is tremendous. I can't imagine what you could do to improve on it - it's enchanting as is. Blessings to you as you continue to process life on this side without your dear one.

  13. This is really beautiful...what a successful and huge challenge.

  14. Fabulous painting Suzanne. Loved the dream. Such a pleasant occurrence I'm sure! Now happy painting! :)

  15. Suzanne, I love this portrait... and besides that, just look at those leaves! Wowza! You will get it done... you are so close and it will be loved!

  16. I think you changed this since last time I looked? Well....it is just wonderful. wow!

  17. Your girls are beautiful! Finish them up already!!!

    As for your journey and account of Tim and the medium and dream, I think it's all wonderful. Everyone wants signs. I think it's great that you are open enough to realize that it's indeed Tim. I don't think you're a widow who lost her stuff. Hugs.

  18. I believe.
    It is such a great comfort for those of us left behind to know that our loved ones are really with us.
    About a week after my Mama left, she came to me in a dream. I was in the hospital and she was in the bed, but I could tell that she was not ill any more. I leaned down to hug her and she hugged me in such a physical way that it woke me up. I lay there with tears running into my ears in complete astonishment. I KNEW she had fulfilled my last request to her which I whispered into her ear when I left her for the last time…"I love you Mama, please come and visit me in my dreams".
    She knew I believed.
    I am so thrilled for you and although I know you still experience tearful and painful grief for his physical presence, you know he's there.


Your visits to my blog and the comments you leave here are an integral part of my creative process. They are helpful, supportive and well, let's face it, they feel really good! If I don't thank you personally, please allow me to thank you in advance for taking the time to stop by and leave your thoughts, they mean so much!