Monday, July 7, 2008
6 x 6"
Oil on canvas
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Oops! A mini vay-cay up and whisked me away from my easel! I had no say in it whatsoever. Himself declared a "daily-free" zone and I happily complied. Yes, the "daily painting" honeymoon is definitely over! I had a complete melt-down with this painting. Looking at it, it looks fine, but I was convinced I had no talent, was a hack and was fooling myself if I thought I could do this! The voice is back! Actually, let's be honest, it never left. It was most likely stunned into silence by my sudden and unexplainable outpouring of work.
In the beginning, when I resolved that I would not bail the dailies, I had no idea how powerful, or better yet, how much power I had given the voice to do just that for me, while poor little innocent me stood by fretful and angst-ridden about how I had been denied, once again, the promise of finally reaching a goal I'd set for myself. Or so it thought.
I'm back and I'm stayin'! I obviously can't turn off the silly thing so I'll listen, but I won't take it seriously. I've supported myself with art all of my life, so obviously the voice, or hence forth—the idiot voice—is wrong! I've written a list of facts that support the notion that I can do this. Each the time the idiot speaks up, I've got some back chat for it.
I had a great therapist—back when it was a status symbol, not a necessity— and she had a great "voice" story. While driving home from the office, listening to music and daydreaming, she missed her exit on the parkway. The voice had a field day. A few expletives later it declared, "You're so stupid you don't even know your own exit!", to which she questioned, "Really, well, if you're so smart, why didn't you tell me it was coming?" This is where the voice gets off. I'm doing this.